I went to Lammas at Beth's Friday night. I realized then that people do care about me when Delphi said that I needed energy to help get over my depression. Friday I started bawling cause I was so lonely and almost thought about not going to Beth's but made myself go because I knew I'd feel better afterward and being alone would have done more harm than good.

I was sitting next to Liz and during the power raising she put her hands on my shoulder and knee. Eariler she said she was also on zoloft and what she felt during her depression, which was exactly the same as how I've been feeling. "I don't have the words, but I know how you're feeling." she said. Afterward we hugged and cried and it felt good that not only did she know what I was going through, I could also lean on her if I needed to.

It was weird because I've never asked for help with something this big before. It's a mixed blessing of sorts. I'm touched that so many people care for me, but at the same time, it's a huge responsibility and I'm afraid if I fail, I'll be letting those people down.

Saturday afternoon I went back to her house for a co-op meeting. I've heard bits and pieces about it but didn't know exactly what it was. Friday night Deb explained that they are starting a sort of crafters co-op and selling their items online. It'll be mostly Pagan related items, but there will be a page for odds and ends. I would really like to make some blank books, place mats and maybe the odd lap quilt and sell on there.

I helped them brainstorm ideas and expressed an interest, but said that my current situation doesn't allow me to make that kind of commitment right now. Delphi said it was ok to sell my pieces though Beth or Sue until I was able to buy into the co-op. It isn't that much, just $22 a year. But this month after my bills have cleared, I'll be left with about $31 in the bank and that's before the therapist and shrink this week.

Thank goodness I'm going on vacation in two weeks.