I turned off my computer last Sunday and didn't turn it on again until Thursday night. It was nice not having the computer on. I sat outside and read most of the time. I sorta missed it, but not enough to turn it on.

I saw the shrink the 19th and she gave me a script for 100mg of Zoloft. I'm very thankful I have a perscription plan with my insurance, or I'd have to have mom pay for my meds. The increase in doseage has left me with tremors and twitches.


Saw her again Thursday and she wanted to bump me to 150mg. I said no. I still had 21 days left of the 100mg and I wanted to stick with that for at least a full month before going up to anything else. I told her about the twitching and she said it was a sideeffect. I've been having trouble sleeping since going to 100mg and she offered to give me something mild to help me sleep. I hate taking medicine and will choose over the counter before prescription if I have a choice. She said to start taking it in the morning instead of at night which is when I have been taking it and told me it was ok to take tylonol pm.

My back has been hurting something fierce the last month or so. Way beyond the normal stress aches in my lower back. So Thursday night I skipped the Zoloft, downed a little blue pm and slept. It's been months since I've slept that good. I woke up and my back wasn't hurting. Took another pm last night and slept damn good again. My back is a bit stiff since I woke up on my belly and belly sleeping hurts sometimes.

I've got so much I want to do today I don't know where to start or if I'll have enough time for it all. I've already decided to skip the gym today and I'll walk the track this evening and next instead. I need to go to the bank and deposit a check, get some stamps, write out and mail bills, go to the quilt store and get a wheat motif I've been lusting after for a while, and paint pottery.

Last week I did a plate in a camo pattern for my brother. The greens turned out a bit brighter than I planned on even though I mixed the greens to make them darker. I want to do a bowl and mug for him now.

Dad called Thur. I invited him and mom up for July 4th. He has to work. I said, 'well, Mom can come up Friday and stay the night. We can watch fireworks and shop Saturday. Mom called last night with the same suggestion. So she gave me her credit card number and I made reservations for her at the motel across the street.

Reading over this it doesn't sound like anything exciting has been going on. And, truthfully, nothing has. But at the same time, everything is exciting. This wall of depression that has kept me hostage for the last year (and to some extent the last 5 years, maybe a bit longer) is finally crumbling and allowing daylight through. I have engery to do things, desire to do things and the attention span to see them through to the end.

I knew things were getting bad when I would be at the grocery store and start crying because I was overwhelmed with the selection on the shelf. I just want a bottle of ranch salad dressing. But it's not that easy. There wishbone brand, kraft, hidden valley, and the house brand. There's light, fat free, ranch with bacon. Big bottles, little bottles. I just want ranch, I'd think as I blinked away the tears to see the bottles clearly.

Next aisle over, bread. Wheat or white? Thin sliced or sandwhich? Honey oat, poppy seed or wheat berry? More tears. Do I get a can of peas or carrots or the can that has both? And so it goes until I'm exhausted and look at my list and decide to get the rest of the stuff later. I put my hand basket of 10 items or less on the belt and carry it out in two sacks.

That's no way to live and I'm tired of it.

Here's is my newly pierced nose.

I've posted a pic of my nose. The notify list will get first peeks at it.

Well, mom was in shock at first about my nose, after she noticed it that is. I had to point it out to her. Dad noticed it right off and likes it. Says it's dainty and almost too small to see. Finally as I was leaving Sunday she admitted that it was cute.

At work it's been the guys that comment on it when they notice it. The women either haven't noticed it or haven't said anything if they do. It's weird, guys won't notice a new hair style, but pierce your nose and they sure will notice that.

It took Beth a while to notice it. We were both kinda sleepy this morning so for morning break we walked around the building, 2 1/2 laps later she interrupts herself to say something about it. Then when we go in she points it out to Sue.

Friday I was asked out by the maintaiance/cleaning guy. A married 50ish, black married guy with rotting teeth. Oh, did I mention he's married. How is it I attract guys that can't stay faithful? I don't go looking for them. They just seem to find me. I didn't know he was married until Beth told me when i told her he asked me out. So when I see him next I'll use that as my reason I can't go out.

Yes, I took pictures. I'll get them posted hopefully Sunday or Monday night.

My notify list will have first look as I have to build a webpage for them and a few other photos I would like to post. If you want to sign up, feel free, it's to your right in the purple box.

I'm off to spend the weekend with my dad for Father's Day and freak my mom out with my nose. If you feel a distrubance in the Force, that's mom ripping it out.

Got my nose pierced couple of hours ago. Got the gold stud since I'm not supposed to take it out for 4 months and it'll go with everything.

He takes me back to the room and puts on a surgical mask and washes his hands. He asks some questions about my work and puts on gloves and gets out a plastic sealed packet of the stuff and lays it out on the tray. First he cleans my nostril inside and out with some soap stuff that looks like pus and smelled like a dentist office. Then he marked the spot with a drop of blue ink and I had a look see in the mirror. It seemed a bit high at first, but since he's done this before, I trusted his judgement. I layed down on the table and he asked if I was ready. I wasn't but I pretended I was. Closing my eyes he told me to take a deep breath and let it out. When I did he pierced me. It was quick, the sting lasted a second. I felt the weight of the needle in my nose as he got the stud ready. My eyes were beginning to water.

The pain came when he took the needle out and put the stud it. That hurt. Even thought I kept saying 'ow' I tried to say it in a brave way. Then there was this sensation of having to sneeze.

"You're done" He says. It was over pretty quickly

I was afraid to sit up and felt the tears go down the corners of my eyes to my temples. I looked in the mirror. It wasn't as red as I figured it'd be. It doesn't clash with my glasses as I was afraid it would. Actually it looks good, I should have had it done sooner. I'm happy with it and it doesn't look too high after all. It feels weird of course, like there's a monster-sized booger in my nose.

I checked out 23rd Street Piercing and it's a cool place, state licensed and everything. So I'll get my nose done either Friday night after work or Saturday before I go home for Father's day and see my dad. "Happy Father's Day, Daddy!, I got my nose pierced for you!" Mom, of course, will have kittens and snort and huff for a few minutes. My brother will just look at it and ask when I'm getting a tattoo.

Right now I'm not sure if I want a tiny gold stud or one with a tiny emerald stone in it. I'm excited about getting it done and right now am debating on skipping the gym and going tonight or waiting until tomorrow since I'm going to a coffeehouse Friday night that's right across the street from the piercing place.

The chick behind the counter was cool and answered all my questions. She had a lot of tattoos and ear plugs that I could fit my thumb through.

Ok. So I didn't get my nose pierced. But from what I've heard, the 23rd St Body Piercing is the best place in town to go.

The med dosage got doubled last night. Except for nausea last night and a tiny bit of all over shakieness this morning, things seem to be going pretty good. The side-effects are tapering off, the nausea and occassional drowsiness is what's left and only seems to happen every other day/night.

I'm thinking about getting my nose pierced this weekend.

I went to the basic hand quilting class today. It was quiet as the maximum number of students is 10 and there were 9 there. The class was held at a quilt store in OKC, and while the instructor was giving one on one instruction the woman next to me whispered if I had been to the new quilt store in Edmond. She kept glancing at the instructor as though we were in school again and trying not to get caught whispering gossip back and forth.

We were given a 'quilt' that had a simple design marked on it. It took me almost two small hearts to get the hang of using the thimble and coordinating my hands and keeping my thumb out of the way. As slow as I was going, I still didn't move my thumb out of the way fast enough and ended up jamming the needle under my nail. Not fun.

My only problem was my fine motorskill coordination. That level was at zero. By the time I was getting the hang of it all, I was out of thread and class was almost over.

I got to draw in therapy today! A house, a picture of me, a picture of me doing something I enjoy, and one of me with my family.My house had very few windows (some with curtains), no sidewalk and no chimney. The pictures of me and my family she found interesting because I drew no faces on the heads. She asked me why. I said it's because I don't like drawing faces and I'm not very good at it. I told her that I like dolls and teddybears without faces. I love those Amish dolls. She said it was interesting and unusual not to draw faces and asked for my permission to take my drawings into to 'consulation' that she has with the other therapists in her office. I said sure. I wouldn't mind knowing what kind of faceless freak I could have hiding inside me.