Honey Mustard Chops.

Mix honey and dijon mustard to taste. I started with about equal parts of each and adjusted from there. Rub on pork loin chops. Bread in seasoned bread crumbs. Bake 350 degrees for 15-20 min or until done.

Chicken & Rice

I threw this together the other day and it's the damn best chicken and rice I've ever made.

In a slow cooker put in about a pound of boneless, skinless chicken thighs and pour in enough Italian dressing to cover it. Cook on high until done, about 2-2.5 hours. When it gets tender enough, shred it with a fork.

Chop up some fresh veggies. About how ever much you want. Carrots, broccoli, onion, orange bell pepper and celery.

Cook up a cup of rice. The other night I used Jasmine rice which I love.

Mix the rice and veggies together in a large bowl. Drain the chicken and save some of the dressing/broth mixture. Add the chicken and a few generous spoonfuls of broth for moisture.

Dump in a can of cream of mushroom soup. If still dry add more broth or a splash of milk. Stick the whole thing in the microwave and cook some more for about 5 minutes. This will steam the veggies and soften them just a bit. If you don't have a microwave, steam for a few minutes on the stove.

Serve.

dreamtime

I've been averaging at least 1 remembered dream a night. Sometimes as many as 3. Several of my dreams of this past week have had kidnapping as a theme. One dream I was the kidnap victim and the rest I'm either the rescuer or the guardian angel of the victim.

another terrorist attack?

I want to listen to the news but am afraid to. Anyone in NYC notice any extra security measures around the United Nations Building? Will some blood thirsty group try to blow it up or ram another plane into it in the next few weeks?

the wall

'The wall' is what I call my depression in therapy. A few months ago, I drew 'the wall' as large, thick and very dominate and I was a little person, arms reached out and one foot off the ground trying to climb it. Today I drew 'the wall' as off in the distance, grass and flowers in the foreground. Blue sky was above it with a few birds drawn in that lazy M shape. She said it was an improvement.

Last week she did an EMDR session with me. It wasn't very long and she said she was impressed with how quickly I progressed. Normally she starts people out in their 'safe place' and they stay there for quite awhile. She started me in my safe place and as soon as I described it too her, it started sliding into a big sink-hole. I go back in 2 weeks and I'll have a full session of about an hour and a quarter.

She asked me today if I'm holding something back. I said I felt like I was, but it's not deliberate. There are times when I want to bring something up, but can't because I have no way of describing the emotion, no words, no metaphors, no physical actions or anything. Like whatever it is, it's what is supporting 'the wall', the mortar of 'the wall.' I want to find a hole in 'the wall' and reach through, grab whatever it is and pull it through. Drag it into the light, stomp on it and maybe that will cause 'the wall' to go away, or at least crumble. She thinks that the EMDR will help bring out whatever it is that I'm holding in and the reason behind it.

She thinks I might be at a point where I can come in every other week, but is a bit hesitant to do that because I keep thinking of cutting, even though I haven't done it for a few weeks. I still think about it and that worries her. It's also a bit fustrating for both of us because the Zoloft has leveled out my emotions. It's good because I can function and have a near normal life, but at the same time in therapy I don't really have any strong emotions or feelings about things that are going on around me.

I didn't like the ending that much

Stayed up late Saturday night to finish The Crimson Petal and White. It was a pretty good book. Very rare is the book that has me hooked at the first page, but this one did. I didn't like the ending though. It leaves you hanging, wondering what happens to the characters. There's no closure, conclusion or finality. I was left fustrated, like a wicked case of literary blue balls.

The story is about a prostitue, Sugar, and the man who takes her to be his mistress. Sugar's mother was her madam at the old brothel.

They say prostitution is the oldest profession. Which made me think, which came first, the prostitue or the mother?

~*~

Listening to the BBC world news on NPR a bit ago and they reported that the heat wave deaths in France are so many that refrigerated trucks and tents are being used as temporary morgues. I didn't catch what the latest numbers are up to now. At first when I heard about it, I thought, 'big deal, it gets 95-100 degrees pretty much all summer here.' But then I had to remind myself that they are further north than I am and the normal summer temps are much much cooler. When I was in France and England the day's high temps were the same as our nightly lows here.

e-Library

I love my library. Go to their website, pick which book you want, reserve it and click which branch you'll pick it up at. Go to the desk, they scan your card, hand you the book and out you go. No more having to wander the shelves and trying to decode the wierd lables they put on the end. And you can even renew online as well. Of course this system has been in place for a few years, but with my depression induced illiteracy and the books I sometimes borrow from friends I was rarely in the library except for researching through the reference materials. They'll also deliver your books to your home, but you have to be disabled or past a certain age.

You can also reserve computers online as well. One of the few things I'm thankful for today.

to do list.

Since feeling better and having my wits about me to look further ahead than the next few hours, I've been able to get a list going of things I need to do.

*Clean my closet and donate some clothes.
*Clean in general around here.
*Shred old credit card recipts (which I still have from '99)
*Get my financial statements, insurance papers and other offical documents sorted, filed and shredded as necessary.
*Finish my cat wall hanging
*Finish my beginning applique project.

But looking at that list now it seems impossible to accomplish. Looking around at this hell-hole I live in and I get overwhelmed with what needs to be done, I just want to go outside with a book and a pepsi and forget it for a while.

Some of it, like the sewing projects I can put off. But getting financial papers in order is a priority since next month I've an appointment with an Edward Jones rep. I just need to figure out how my 401k works, and how to reach my long term goals for the future, which right now are: house & retirement, those two are definate.

I also need to get back in the habit of going to the gym. My membership there exipires in Dec and I may find another gym. Aspen Athletics just opened a tempory facility just down the from me and will be moving into a bigger building as soon as the renovations are done, mainly adding an indoor swimming pool. In searching the web for their website, I found the minutes of a city council meeting from this spring that voted to allow the company to move into an old grocery store and put in a pool and few other things. They have a month to month, pay as you go option that I like. My current gym makes me sign a year contract. However since their little card swipe thing hasn't been working for almost a year I could probably keep going after December and no one will be the wiser.

I was young, I needed the money

I've thought about doing some nude modeling in local artists studios and for groups. Depending on where I go I can get $12-15 an hour. Of course that was a few years ago. Don't know if they are still paying that much. Therapy is $42.50 a week so even being paid $25 a week for a 2 hour session is a godsend. Plus, it's always something I've wanted to do.

Wouldn't mind dancing topless, but if mom ever asks why I'm not home in the evenings when she calls, saying i'm off posing for artists is less likely to give her a heart attack than saying I'm a stripper. However with my nose piercing, and my brother telling her last week that he's dating a black woman, she might have the intestinal fortitude to handle it.

ring a-ling

I bought a new phone yesterday after work. My old one I've had since college and for the last 3 years it likes to make these quiet little chirping noises around 11.30 at night. Well, lately it's been chirping as normal as well as ringing a soft far away sounding ring. No one is calling, but it wakes me up anyway.

It's a corded phone with big numbers. It also has speakerphone and came with a headset. Even though the ringer is set to normal, it's a damn loud ring. Especially last night around 11p when Rob called.

Adobe GoLive is installed on my work computer. Don't really know why since I have never been asked to help out with website production. So the last few days when I have nothing else to do, or something I don't want to do, I open it and play around.

I've finally unraveled the secrets of frames. I would like to redo the website for our little craft guild/co-op as it looks like crap. Don't know if I should put frames on this site or not.

I've paypal'ed my registration fee for UEA. Called my brother and asked him if I could stay at his place since I can't afford a motel. He said sure. I plan on arriving as a self-contained unit. I have a twin sized air mattress, sheets, blankets, pillow as well as the normal stuff for a 3 day stay.

I'm really looking forward to going.

In other news it's been damn hot. Still. upper 90s and into the 100s. Know what pisses me off? When the weather guy says that temps will be 'hitting the century mark.' Dumbass. Century refers to a length of time of 100 years. Also a unit of the Roman army. Sometimes it's used to measure out kilometers. But not temperatures. And then during violent weather, like the tornados we had back in May, they will warn the public not to go outside, to take shelter. Then the next day they show lots of amature video taken by the viewers that should have been in their shelter.

I spy with my little eye....

... something brown

Oh!oh! I know! The shit on this website!

EEERRRRRKKKK!

Wrong, puppies. Just the color, not the content. At least I hope not the content. See what happens when good websites (like mine) go bad (when they don't get remodeling suggestions).

Which reminds me: I took private swimming lessons when I was 13. The woman teaching me had a 2 year old daughter. One day she brought along a package of M&Ms to teach her the colors. Grass Green, Sun Yellow, Do-Do Brown. That's how I'm going to teach my kid the colors. And I'll use fries and onion rings to teach him about sex. He'll be the smartest overweight kid in kindergarten, not to mention having the highest cholesterol. That means he'll be able to count to at least 300.

I think I need to go to bed now.

Rested

I went back to the lake house I stayed at in May for my birthday. My days were pretty much the same. Wake up around 7.30 or 8, go outside and read (The Crimson Petal and the White), when it got too hot or I ran out of shade which was around noonish, I'd come in, eat, take a nap, check my email and sew a bit on an applique project. Around 4 there was shade on the little freestanding porch swing and I'd go back out and either continue sewing if it wasn't too windy or read. My host would come home around 6 or 7 and we'd eat, talk, watch the moon rise and then go to bed.

The mornings were cool and delicious. Even at 4 there was a slight breeze cooled by the lakes that made it plesant. Even in the middle of the day it didn't feel that hot, I guess because I'm away from the sun soaking concrete of the city that inhales the heat then bleches it back at you for an hour after sunset.

I came home Friday around 8pm and watched my Ever After dvd for a while and went to bed at 10. Yesterday my across the breezway neighbor was getting ready for her son's first birthday. They don't have a car and she babysits and her husband works as a mechanic at the Firestone a few blocks away. So at noon, she strapped her kid in my backseat and I ran her around to pick up stuff. She knew exactly what she needed from which stores so I stayed in the car playing vroom vroom truck and radio surfing to find a song the kid liked and we'd bop-dance together. Then around 8.30 she knocked on my door and invited me for grilled hot dogs and burgers.

Tomorrow I go back to work. I'm rested but not quite ready to go back. But on the flip side, by Thursday afternoon I was getting a bit bored. How women stay home all the time while their husbands work and not at least do volunteer work baffles my mind.

My name is Rette and I'm a bath and body-aholic

I spent $61 in Bath & Body Works this afternoon. I bought body wash, body spray and lotion in both gardina lily and red currant & thyme tea. My free products were night blooming jasmine body spray and lotion.

Wanna be my bestest friend in the whole wide world? Want me to give you a kidney if you need one? Buy me a gift certificate of $200 or more and I'll take a bullet for you. Give you my first born son. I will be your sweet-smelling whore. I will wear a French maid's uniform and feather dust your hard-on every morning. I will follow your dog around with a pooper-scooper. I'll move in with you and be a nanny for your kids. Need a root canal? I'll go to the dentist for you! I'll wear short short shorts and a white tee shirt without a bra and wash your car every day for the rest of the summer.

I don't feel that bad for spending so much. It's been a year since I've bought anything from there. I told myself no more until I used what I have. I've put a serious dent in the shower gels since I use those everyday. The same for the lotion, but not a much and the body sprays.... well... did I mention I only have 3 bottles of shower gel left and there's less than have of each left??

I'm not much on the food scents they have. Except the green apple and citrus & basil. But new this fall is a pumpkin cinnamon scent. It smells good enough to eat. Pour over a graham cracker crust, chill and serve with cool whip flavored condom.

Cotton blossom reminds me of Mississippi, green clover screams summer and moonlight path makes me cream my panties every time I smell it. Juniper breeze and raspberry they can discontinue anytime and bring back honeysuckle and either violet or tulip in their place.

Scents I would like to see them offer, lily of the valley, moonflower, and something like the clean linen candle from Yankee Candle.

I may not look like a million bucks, but damn it, I can smell at least like 700 grand.

don't wear a skirt if you're going to buy celery

A Study of the Effects of Celery on Loose Elastic

Some bizzare thoughts that have been bumping around in my head lately.

Do caterpillers know they will one day be butterflies?

Do butterflies remember what it was like to be a caterpiller?

What does the underside of a rainbow look like?

What would turtles look like if they had no shell?

Will Bath and Body Works ever bring back their violet scented products?

1 down, 2 to go

I finished my wheat wall hanging this early evening. Then I rinsed it to the the marker lines out and put it outside on a drying rack to dry as I sat outside and read. Still a tiny bit damp but the major wrinkles ironed out fine.

Now to tackle the applique project from the class I took and the cat wallhanging.

the forgotten one.

The book I had forgotten about was Confessions of a Pagan Nun. A good book, but not as exciting as the back cover would have you believe.

What I've read this year.

Or should that be, in the last 6 weeks?

In no particular order.

The Neverending Story by Michael Ende - A good book, enjoyable read, really gives the imagination a work out. I liked the first half better.

Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger - bought in a used book store for $3. I should be getting a $4 refund plus the week of my life back that I wasted reading it. What is in this book that made it so damn famous? Back then such cynicism probably was shocking, but now, it's everyday. He was angst before there was such a thing.

Shelters of the Stone by Jane Auel - The fifth book in her Clan of the Cave Bear series. I just finished it a few minutes ago. Eh. A lot of repetition from the two books before it. Plus 3/4 of the book takes place in the first 2 weeks they return to the family. Then boom! It's 7 months later. Boom! it's a year later.

Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain - His experiences in of 20 years of cooking and the people he's worked for and the ones that now work for him. Highly recommended.

Cook's Tour by Anthony Bourdain - Eats a still beating cobra heart in Thailand I believe, has a 6 hour dinner in Californa and of course, eats fugu in Japan. The things that have passed that man's lips and his wife still wants to kiss him? A good read if only for the humorous ways he describes any food related illness (and there's many) he's afflicted with.

I think that's been my reading list so far this summer. Wanna say there was another book that I forgot to list, but a quick look in my piles of books doesn't reveal anything that hasn't already been mentioned here. Tomorrow, for sure, Catcher in the Rye will be going back to the used bookstore.

All suggestions are welcome

I'm thinking about changing the blog around. Different color, different layout, I'm not sure yet. I would like to create it myself even though the thought of using some linkware out there is tempting. Some templates I've seen are just beautiful.

Feel free to email me or leave a comment below with suggestions, ideas or sweet potato recipes.

xoxo

'Have Journal, Will Travel' says the card of a woman

Today's Friday Five.

1. What's the last place you traveled to, outside your own home state/country?

May 2002 I went with my mom and dad to South Dakota to spend a week with my maternal grandmother. It's beautiful up there and even though grandma is in pretty good health for an 82 year old heavy smoker, I worry that the next time I go up there will be her funeral.

2. What's the most bizarre/unusual thing that's ever happened to you while traveling?

I'm thinking and thinking and I can't think of anything weird that's happened to me while traveling. Usually it's the run-of-the-mill memorable family visit or touristy thing. Pleasant but nothing out of the ordinary. The worst thing that's ever happened to me was getting sexually assulted in Paris outside of the Church of the Sacred Heart. It sat on top of a hill and overlooked Paris which seemed to stretch to the horizon. I never filed a complaint or anything.

From my understanding rape really isn't taken seriously in France. The attitude is, 'your a woman, it's going to happen sooner or later, suck it up'. Wasn't it in Italy where their high court ruled that it isn't possible for a woman wearing jeans to be raped. Excuse Me??!!?? I'd like to take those judges and put them in wranglers and toss their degio ass into any maximum security prison and see if that ruling will continue to hold water.

3. If you could take off to anywhere, money and time being no object, where would you go?

Ireland without a doubt. And visit England and Scotland while I'm at it. Stonehenge, Loch Ness - places I'm tired of reading about because I want to see them first hand.

4. Do you prefer traveling by plane, train or car?

Car is ok but you get stiff after a while. Plane is faster although I'm so tense throughout the flight that my neck and shoulders are rock hard when I land. Never been on a train but I've got a feeling I'd love it. You see scenery like car travel, but you can also get up and walk around like a plane. From what I understand, it's the slowest of the three. And ship. I would love to take one of those windjammer cruises in the northeast. Or any kind of masted ship cruise to anywhere, I don't care. I think I overanswered the question.


5. What's the next place on your list to visit?

I've discovered some neat places here in Oklahoma. On my list is Alabaster Caverns, Black Mesa, returning to Gloss (or Glass) Mountains, Tall Grass Prairie Reserve and the site where they found brontosaurs bones and footprints. I need to find someone to roadtrip with and head west on I-40 and see New Mexico and Arizona. Las Vegas also is on my list.

Last night I tried to sew the binding on my wheat wallhanging. Well, I trimmed it to exactly the size I wanted it instead of trimming a bit to large then allowing the binding to roll over the edge. I forgot mostly because I was excited to have it so close to done. And it's been about a year since I've done any binding too. When I realized my mistake I just turned off my machine and went outside to read. Still haven't bothered to rip the stitches out to fix it. I know it can be fixed but that'll take a bit more patience than I have right now.

Tomorrow is Friday and then I'm on vacation!!!!

I keep borrowing Travis's cd's at work. If he minds, he is way to polite to say anything. So tonight I took home two of his cd's and burned my favorite songs from them onto a mix cd with some of my stuff. Neil Diamond, Alanis Morissett, Dead or Alive and a couple of bellydance songs among others. I like that my mix cd's have Rob Zombie right after an Eyna song.

It was thundering and sprinkling this morning when I got up. There's no better way to start a morning than with a little bit of rain. Every morning is a clean and fresh slate, but with rain, it's like that slate was scrubbed down to remove any leftover chalk-dust. There was a rainbow in the west this morning as I went to work. Damn near unbroken but by the time I reached work, the top and one side had faded away but one end was brighter than before.

Is anyone interested in sponsoring me to this year's United Earth Assembly ? If I go I'll stay with my brother so it'll only be $80. I've already got $40. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? I'll bring you back a tee shirt.

Two days down, three more to go, then I'll be out of here for a week. Well, a few days anyway. I have a few quilting projects I need to finish up and I'll take those with me along with a sewing machine. Last night I stayed up late to finish quilting my wheat wall hanging. I had only planned to do what was within the bounds of my little 11"x11" quilting frame, but after I was done, I only had about 4 inches left, so I just finished it right then. It looks real good. you can tell where I started since the stitches are uneven and a bit katty-whompus. I did the border last and by then I had learned how to keep my stitches consistant if not small.

Hopefully I'll get around to binding it tomorrow and then I can take it to work and hang it up and have something to stare at when I should be pretending to work. And for whatever reason, the guys in my area like to keep it about 69 degrees in there. Which for a skinny butt like me, is damn near freezing. I think I'll gather up some of my prettier scraps and make a lap quilt to tuck around me at work.

I went to Lammas at Beth's Friday night. I realized then that people do care about me when Delphi said that I needed energy to help get over my depression. Friday I started bawling cause I was so lonely and almost thought about not going to Beth's but made myself go because I knew I'd feel better afterward and being alone would have done more harm than good.

I was sitting next to Liz and during the power raising she put her hands on my shoulder and knee. Eariler she said she was also on zoloft and what she felt during her depression, which was exactly the same as how I've been feeling. "I don't have the words, but I know how you're feeling." she said. Afterward we hugged and cried and it felt good that not only did she know what I was going through, I could also lean on her if I needed to.

It was weird because I've never asked for help with something this big before. It's a mixed blessing of sorts. I'm touched that so many people care for me, but at the same time, it's a huge responsibility and I'm afraid if I fail, I'll be letting those people down.

Saturday afternoon I went back to her house for a co-op meeting. I've heard bits and pieces about it but didn't know exactly what it was. Friday night Deb explained that they are starting a sort of crafters co-op and selling their items online. It'll be mostly Pagan related items, but there will be a page for odds and ends. I would really like to make some blank books, place mats and maybe the odd lap quilt and sell on there.

I helped them brainstorm ideas and expressed an interest, but said that my current situation doesn't allow me to make that kind of commitment right now. Delphi said it was ok to sell my pieces though Beth or Sue until I was able to buy into the co-op. It isn't that much, just $22 a year. But this month after my bills have cleared, I'll be left with about $31 in the bank and that's before the therapist and shrink this week.

Thank goodness I'm going on vacation in two weeks.

I fucking hate backslides. I thought I had sucessfuly clawed out of one after fighting it for a few days. Now a step later and it's face first down another pit of darkness. I so hate this shit. The zoloft isn't letting me sleep. What I take to sleep gives me fucked up dreams. It's been hard to keep myself away from sharp objects the last few hours.