The first step is admitting you need help. I need help. It's not just about the Rex issue either. That just pushed me over the edge. Even before I met Rex I had been thinking about going to a therapist or shrink or someone. I have some self-esteem problems, sexual hang-ups, and my depression has been coming back in fits and starts, not to mention the mild paranoia and near constant feeling of abandonment, and this whole war thing isn't helping either. I would like to put a stop to this before I fall into the same pit I was in a few years ago. If that happens, it'll be a darker deeper depression than what I had, if you can imagine that.

Thought about starting out with a therapist, not covered by insurance and according the the sliding income scale, will cost me approx $40 a visit. Or go to a psychiatrist for a $20 co-pay and a prescription. But then the insurance will know I'm a bit touched and the HR guy handed out a paper a few weeks ago that said the company can, at any time, request health information about us from the insurance people.

I don't have any close friends that I can talk to. Beth and Sue are both childless and neither has been in a relationship with a man for the last 15 or 20 years, but hearing them talk, you'd think they were marriage counslers and child behaviorists. Lack of experience seems to make them experts and I'm careful to talk about my personal life around them.

Mary, living in Norman, I hardly see anymore. She has a job at Tinker Air Force Base, new house, a new car, a dog, a cat and a "wonderful" boyfriend and job flexibility to vacation where she wants at a moment's notice. When I'm around her, I sometimes feel like the token white trash friend she has from her past life as a college student. So for the sake of my own self-image we only get together a few times a year.

Oh, and remember that ganglion surgery I had last May? Well, the last few weeks just below the scar has been a bit sore and it looks like a new bump is forming. The dr said the surgery has a 90% success rate. Just my luck I'm in that 10%. But the pain is minor to nothing compared to what I had this time last year, so I do have that to be thankful for.

Got new glasses today too. When I first put them on my right eye started wigging out and the chick said there was a big change in that eye. At work this afternoon, when I was doing database entry, it was nice to look from paper to screen to paper without having to wait for my eyes to clear up the minor double vision I have. Maybe now my headaches will go away, cause I hate like hell to have to get a haircut too.

My love to all ya'll for reading through this hypochondriac rant. kiss kiss