house hungry

Scott is in Iowa visiting his brother. I thought about going since his brother lives only a few hours away from my grandmother and he said we could take a day to visit her. But I would miss a test and at least 2 classes and I didn't want to do that this early in the semester.

To tell the truth, I was looking forward to being alone. I miss living alone. I miss having my own space, my own schedule without having to check with someone else. I thought after 2 years of living with him, that I would adjust, but I haven't. I still lust after my friends who have their own places. I still wake up in the morning, my brain foggy as I lay there running through what I need to do that day: check this month's contract expirations, get my mail, I should swing by the apt to check on things.... oh, I don't have an apt anymore. Then I'm sad about it the rest of the morning. This is about a once a week event.

Sometimes at night when I close my eyes for the brief moment before sleep claims me, I feel like I'm in my old apt. Facing the wall, facing the door, seeing my ceiling. If I think hard enough, I can even remember what it smells like. The first time I turn on the heat in the fall, when I come back after a weekend away, when I steam up the bathroom for a candlelit bubblebath.

I miss it. So much so that earlier this year, I picked up an apt guide and called around for pet policies. I still pick up the real estate books and circle the houses I like.

I know if I buy a house Scott will probably break up with me. I asked him if we'd survive me moving out. He didn't think so. But he doesn't want to marry me unless I change. Change my religion, change my friends, change my name, I doubt if the list stops there.

I'm tired of driving 25 miles to work one way. I miss Edmond, I miss the northside.

Everytime I'm on the phone with my dad he askes if I've been out looking at houses. Have you called a realtor? You know we have some money set aside to help you. Whenever you're ready, it's there, just say the word.

The housing market is slowing a bit around here. I picked up a real estate booklet for the first time in several months and it was thicker than it has been in the past.

I just need to get off my ass. There really isn't two ways about it.

Watching: Miami Ink
reading: Sarum
Whiskey is: finally settling down