Last night I emailed a counsler. Today she emailed back and answered some of my general questions like what to expect the first visit, how long will I have to go, that sort of thing. I left a message and she called me back and I have an appt Monday at 1p.

Yesterday and today I've been outlineing a letter in my head to Rex. Basically I want to say that even though I want him to be happy, I want to be happy too and him not returning my calls or emails hurts. I love him, he'll hold a special place in my heart and maybe later when things settle down for us, we can get together as friends because I do value his friendship and don't want to lose it.

He's the healthest relationship I've ever had with a guy. Don't know what that says about me.